About seven months ago Jason and I were presented with some information that completely changed the way we saw ourselves. We are both what people would call "seekers of truth". We will continue to ask questions about any given topic until we feel like we have reached a certain level of comfort in determining truth in that subject. We are also both willing to "try anything" and experiment with something if it resonates with us....and we stop once it no longer does. We have both had our doubts, concerns, reservations, criticisms, and questions with regard to just about every spiritual path out there. So, when we heard this guy named "AJ" who claimed to be "Jesus", well you can imagine our response. Red flags up all over the place! A thought of "oh boy, another delusional person thinking they are Jesus and looking to form a cult" crossed my mind immediately. But this guy had my curiosity peaked for sure....I decided to hear him out...all 4 hours of it. At the end of it Jason and I turned to each other and both said, "regardless of who this guy thinks or says he is, there is something in this material that I completely resonate with." AJ and Mary's description and lessons of who God is, how to have a REAL relationship with God, what Love really is, what the soul really is, why we get sick, why we age, our innate desire to find our soul-mate, what prayer is, why prayer works, how to pray, what happens when we die, why life is eternal, etc. We were blown away by the detail. And after a long discussion with one another, we couldn't find error or risk in experimenting and continuing to investigate what he was teaching....The Divine Love Path. And so that is where this all began, it was at that point that we decided to experiment by developing a relationship with God.
That is what this blog is all about, it is about our experiences, comments, and reflections as we progress to become more loving and truthful in our relationship with God, ourselves, and each other. This process is not all rainbows and roses. There are moments that are quite beautiful with feelings of overwhelming love when we discover a new truth about God or ourselves. But there are also moments that can be quite dark and lonely when you are feeling through emotions of anger, rage, and grief. Breaking through the facade requires you to stop your own errors of self deception and doing that is quite confronting. But it is also quite beautiful. Since starting this path it is only recently that I feel as though I have truly found myself. I can see all the fear, anger and grief within myself as a result of my childhood experiences. My facade has protected me from feeling all of these real emotions and because of that I have been unable to release them from my soul.
So, that is a little background on how "Operation: Get Real" began. Jason and I have both made a commitment to be real with God, each other, and ourselves. It requires a desire and longing to want to feel God's love and truth. It requires constant humility, that can be quite challenging. It requires speaking truth, even when your fear doesn't want to allow it. It requires owning your emotions and not projecting them on others. It requires a high level of self awareness in understanding that every experience and interaction is our own law of attraction and there is a lesson of love in it all. It requires you to feel through it all and not think through it. It requires us to release trying to control our negative thoughts and emotions and instead allow ourselves to feel through the emotions and pray for guidance in feeling the CAUSE of the negative thoughts and emotions.
I am so thankful to be on this path and to have had this material come into my life. And being in a relationship with a partner on the path is even more of a blessing. Trust me, being in a loving relationship with someone that also wants to progress in love by removing all addictive and unloving behaviors between the two of you....VERY challenging! When you make the decision to honor truth and love over everything else, be prepared to be confronted. You will feel anger, you will feel unloved when addictions are no longer being met, you will feel sadness, hurt, etc.
For example, Jason recently hit me with a pretty confronting truth first thing this morning. He helped me see an addiction I have in my relationships with men. I have so much fear in not wanting to experience projections of anger from men, that I allow completely unloving behaviors (demands, sexual projections, neediness, control, anger, etc) from them. Confronting them with truth about their unloving behavior might cause them to be angry and I don't want to feel that, so instead I allow the unloving behavior. I have prayed to God about the cause of this addiction and it comes back to my father. My father used to get so angry with me, spank me and yell at me. As a result, my facade self has decided not to do anything that would trigger that anger from men. So, thankfully I have a partner that helps me to see these truths and I am working on feeling and releasing the pain and sadness I have as a result. Releasing those emotions will allow me to have more loving relationships with Jason and my three boys. So despite the pain I have to go through, the results are so beautiful....sometimes I have to keep reminding myself of that because my wanting to avoid it all is certainly at play. I have yet to release some of the fear I have in truly engaging in the process and in having faith and trust in God that I will get through it all.
So in just the few months that we have been experimenting with all of this I have come to a few conclusions:
- I still don't believe within my soul that AJ is Jesus and Mary is Mary Magdalene, but I really don't care at this point who they say they are because I have experienced the truth of what they are teaching.
- I can feel love growing within myself and I don't want to stop this process.
- I have a growing desire to know God and have a loving relationship with God.
- I have a desire to share my experiences with others....if it helps one person discover one truth about themselves, that is good enough for me.
- I have had a very distorted view of what love really is.
- Because of my facade and errors within my soul, I have done and continue to do things that are out of harmony with God's love and truth.....and I have a desire to feel those errors and correct them emotionally not intellectually
(If you are interested in learning more, I have hyperlinked words in this post to material covering certain topics in more detail.)